Coming Around to Me

It's 2:30 in the morning. What the heck am I doing blogging at 2:30 AM?

Well, it's only 11:30 PM on the West Coast, where my advisor lives. (She's Julie Larios and she's wonderful!) My packet is due by midnight her time, and it's zooming to cyberspace to her right now. Yippeee!

I'm not sitting here happy as a clam because I sent in my packet a half hour before its due time. I'm jubilant because my critical thesis is tucked away nicely in that packet. Wa-hoo! It's complete, not done but complete, and it's turned in. It is a great feeling to have it sent off, with a little space to breathe. I'm close to the end. Julie could turn around and tell me in a day or two that I have to re-write the whole damned thing. That's ok. That is o. k. I have two days before I have to start that. As long as she doesn't take nine days to tell me everything that's wrong with it, I'll be ok with that.

I am excited! Free time... ah, time to be creative again. Laura and I, with a little help from Susie, created a story together tonight. We plotted it out. It was great--about an empowered princess. I'm going to write it for them, too. I can start tomorrow.

My critical thesis was about empowered girls in fantasy fiction. It sparked so many thoughts about girls, and people's perceptions of girls, and girls perceptions of themselves. It sparked many memories, both good and bad. I remember all too well being a 12 1/2 year old, suffering from the worst nickname in the history of all nicknames. So awful I can't repeat it here... it obviously traumatized me. Seventh grade was the worst year in my social life. I was mocked and ridiculed, and it just stunk. I remember, too, being a sophomore in high school, with my new contacts, new hairdo, and no more braces. All sorts of new attention and self-confidence. It was a hard period, too. I wasn't used to it. The three years between those two periods? Awful. Just awful. Self-defining, miserable, and plain awful.

All of this critical thinking makes me want to go and shout out to these girls. I want to tell them to buck up, hang in there, it will get better. I wish I could give them a little crystal ball to look at themselves in the future, and know it will be ok. I have so many things to say to these girls! I'll start with Laura. I can empower girls, one at a time, right? (Susie, you're next.)

I'm a happy camper right now. I wish I could preserve this feeling. I'm forty years old and I wish I could savor this feeling for another forty years. Except for a stupid knee accident that I had last week, that left me sitting on my butt and hobbling like a granny all week, I'm feeling good. I'm coming around to my time. I'm opening a door and I'm moving forward. I'm coming around to me!

Now, if I could bottle this feeling and send it to each of you for your birthday. That will be my next brilliant discovery. : )

-PB