Distractions of a Sunday Night

Sunday night is the worst night of the week.

Sundays are relaxing, leisurely, and calm (at least some of the time). I garden, I clean, my husband grocery shops and sometimes I even cook. Sunday evenings are peaceful. The kids are kicked off of their computer and the Wii is put away for the week. Ahhh, the peace of Sunday in the Brown house. It's lovely.

Then, two o'clock rolls around. AM, that is.

Yes, very often at two o'clock on a Sunday-going-into-Monday morning, I am still awake. Why? I can tick off a handful of reasons. On Sundays, I sleep later and get up later, I drink my coffee later and take my vitamins later, I write a lot and I read a lot, Monday morning is just around the corner... and a lot of times I just can't stop thinking.

Last night, I tried to do a lot of thinking. It started early--about 10 AM when I got up. I thought all day. I thought while I was at my daughter's soccer game. I thought when I was gardening. I thought when I was doing laundry. I thought when I eating dinner. I thought at two AM when I was supposed to be sleeping. All I've been thinking about is that ever-elusive Essential Truth. (Yes, a week later, still thinking about it.) The chapter I wrote didn't cut it. I had to try something new.

I was supposed to be finding that Essential Truth when I discovered all sorts of distractions. Maybe if I found some spooky kind of music to play that suited my fantasy story... maybe then I could think. Now I have an impressive audio library of all sorts of creepy music, along with a lot of other interesting songs that I found but didn't really need. Maybe if I found a famous quote to start the story with... maybe then it would come to me. Now I have an impressive collection of quotes.

(An aside--the best quote I found is from The Hobbit:

It will not do to leave a live dragon out of your plans if you live near one.

-J.R.R. Tolkien)

Still, the Essential Truth teases me, and stays just out of my reach.

Tonight, I resolved myself to writing, Truth or No Truth. Forget the thinking, just get to the writing, Patti. And I will! Just as soon as I finish my blog, add some kid quotes, charge the iPod, check the weather, respond to a few emails...

-PLB

Happy Birthday and The Essential Truth

I just got back from the Eastern PA SCBWI Annual conference in the Poconos. It's the third year in a row that I've attended.Usually I come back from this conference revved up and ready to write... Not this year.

It's not that it wasn't fun. Sure was great to see my friends again, and meet new faces. The presenters were good and so was the food, mostly...except for that broccoli thing they served me Saturday night. I won two teapots for my collection from the raffle, and I met a wonderful author that I'd love to have come to my little guy's school. The weather was great. All in all, it was a good weekend.

But, I discovered what my story is missing: an 'essential truth.' Editor Nancy Mercado described this as an underlying theme for a story. She asks, "What captures the heart of your story?" Wow. I've been struggling over these opening chapters to my story for the better part of a year now. And this is why: I have no essential truth. I think I have a sort of superfluous truth. The 'bottom line' of my story is about as clear as chocolate pudding. So, I came home from the conference pumped up to restart my story again, after I actually find it. The 'finding' part is weighing me down.

I didn't stop to find my story today, because it was my little one's birthday. She turned four, and has placed herself next in line for the British throne, I think. Her poor older sibs are little more than servants to her, and if they don't play with her when she wants them too, off with their heads! Its hard not to laugh when she's being so saucy, because she takes herself very seriously. She's a good girl when she wants to be. We just have to keep encouraging her in that direction. If I have to, I trump her 'queen' card with my all-prevailing ace: the 'queen mother' card. Sometimes I have to, in order to free her servants from her now-four-year-old tyranny.

My fantasy story that's missing an essential truth is all about a mother/daughter relationship. I reflect on my relationships with each of my two daughters, and only find bits and pieces of what I really want to convey to my readers there. Tonight, as I held my little one in my arms and remembered the day she was born, I faced going way back... back to my own childhood. Time to drudge up my own rocky adolescence.

I do so with some angst... it wasn't pretty. My mom died almost three years ago, so the journey back to those years will be bittersweet. But it's necessary. Once I find that truth, I can finally birth this baby and let it live on its own. And let me just say right now, I'm looking forward to that happy birthday!

-PLB

An increase in World Suck today

I am a big fan of The Brotherhood 2.0.
(If you aren't familiar with John and Hank Green, check them out here:
http://www.sparksflyup.com/2007/04/april-16-brotherhood-of-traveling-pants.php .)

John and Hank work towards decreasing "world suck" in many different ways. From Eco-geeks to Peeps to sock-puppet theatre... these Nerd Fighters are doing a good job. Today, there was a giant jump in World Suck. The Green brothers couldn't combat this level of world suck unless they had an army - a psychic army at that.

I didn't hear the news about Va Tech until my husband came home, worried about our friend's son and his former student who is now a student there. We frantically made calls until we reached Paul's mom who confirmed that he is safe and unharmed
The rest of the afternoon was spent in a trance-like state. I had my laptop on my lap and the TV on, and I typed work reports while listening to the accounts of the events in VA.

I was reminded of other sad days in my life when I didn't have any personal attachments to those involved in tragic events, but my heart still ached for our nation. January 28, 1986: the space shuttle Challenger blew up. I was a freshman at Ursinus College. April 20, 1999: Columbine. February 1, 2003: the space shuttle Columbia blew up. And then of course, there was September 11, 2001.

I think back on those days as World Suck days. I realized that many, many times, our nation mourns together. We join together in our sadness. But when do we ever rejoice together? When do we all celebrate 'World Doesn't Suck' events? What national events ever cause the level of happiness across the whole country? I can't think of any spontaneous happy events that cause our nation--in every size and shape that we come in--to stand up and cheer.

Holidays cause us all to be happy, but we don't all share the same holidays, with two exceptions: Fourth of July and Thanksgiving. Those aren't spontaneous, but they are pretty happy, usually. I propose that we celebrate 'World Doesn't Suck' day on the Fourth of July. (On Thanksgiving, we're usually too stuffed to stand up and cheer. Or stand up and do anything.)

I had a nice blog entry planned out for today, about how there's more of me online now... (No, I didn't post nudie pictures anywhere, and no, I didn't get published. At least, not by an official publishing company. I published my web page today. A modest, boring little website, but my own website nonetheless. See more of me here: www.PattiLBrown.com ). That's all I can say about that today, because of World Suck.

My heart goes out to all of the families in Virginia who lost loved ones by the hands of a madman today, and to the community at Virginia Tech as they mourn their losses and try to move on.

-PLB

Good Books by Patti L. Brown

Hola.

We had a busy Easter weekend. Friday we took a trip to Philadelphia; Saturday we ran around to soccer games, birthday parties, and shopping; and Sunday we entertained the in-laws.

After our company left, I watched The Passion of The Christ Sunday night. It was incredibly moving, on many different levels. The spiritual and religious level is self-evident. But I found several other facets of the storyline to be fascinating as well.

First, the story started the day before the crucifixion of Jesus. It ended the morning of his resurrection. The movie covered a short period of time, yet look at all of the events that occurred in such little time. Those events (as they happened in history, not the movie) changed the world. Jesus knew what He was doing, but the other people... their actions caused so many things to occur at a frighteningly fast pace.

This minor observation led me to think all day about how much can happen in a day. I am not comparing the events in my life to those in Jesus's life--simply a point to ponder. How much can I make happen in a day? In a few days? I had a very busy weekend... what did I accomplish (other than spending a lot of money)?

The second observation: did those people know what they were doing? Did they have any inkling that they would be remembered for thousands of years by their actions? I'm not just referring to the big-wigs involved--Herod, Pilate, the Pharisees, but also the woman who gave Jesus a drink, the Roman guards, the other little people who played minor roles but were there, were watching, were part of it.

I pondered about this today, too. I can't imagine that any of my actions will be remembered for thousands of years, but how long will my actions actually be remembered? And by whom?

I've read loads of books, as a child, teenager, and adult. Many of them have 'stayed with me' over the years. Charlotte's Web was my childhood favorite. Judy Blume was a favorite author... I was a fourth-grade nothing. In my teen years, I found fantasy fiction and, I am not ashamed to say, horror. Mary Stewart's Merlin Trilogy (Crystal Cave, Hollow Hills, and The Last Enchantment) are still my all-time favorites. And my Stephen King collection was pretty large. (My son has recently claimed those books.) In my adulthood, I found drama. Gone With the Wind, Marley & Me, and The Lord of the Rings still wait on my bookshelf to be re-read another day.

I summed it up for myself tonight as I resisted the temptation to sack out of the couch with my little one. My conclusion: if I want to be remembered by readers, if I want to touch people the way these authors have touched me, well, I better start making some events happen fast. I need to keep going, keep working and keep learning. I love writing! It's what I want to be remembered by... good books by Patti L. Brown.

If you are a Christian and haven't seen The Passion of The Christ yet, please see it. Yes, it is hard to watch. But watch it and remember it. And then reflect on your own life. Which of your actions will you be remembered by?

-PLB

Exercising My Muse

The fog is lifting.

For weeks... no, months... well, maybe years... I've been in a mental fog. Some days, even thinking is hard. And creative thinking is even harder. It's easy to chalk it off to age, a busy lifestyle, stress, not enough sleep, depression, or all of the above. I could blame it on whatever. But those whatevers aren't changing. Life continues, and I'm not about to give anything up. I happen to like the things that I do. (Well, ok, I would give up work if I could.)

There are some nights that even a cattle prod doesn't rouse my sleepy muse. I try to coax her out with tea and pretty music, but the fog is too thick to actually get any work done. And when I have a writing packet due in a matter of days, fog is bad! Fog stinks! Fog will bring me down. And my muse doesn't help. She clings to me and sinks with me.

But this weekend, I found something that my muse really likes: the iPod song. It's actually called Flathead by The Fratellis, but it got my muse up and walking. And running at times. And hopping around, and bopping to the music. (Thank God nobody was watching.)

I'm not opposed to exercise. I am in decent shape, for no good reason other than I take the stairs whenever I can. In fact, I love to ski, but that's season limited exercise (not to mention budget limited too). I love to ride my bike, but it has some sticky stuff on the handbars that I haven't been able to get off, and it still has the baby seat on the back. Since the baby already has a bike of her own , I probably should take it off. (When I have time...)

I like to walk. We live a block away from a beautiful river with lovely views and a gorgeous park attached. I love to walk with my hubby, with the little ones in tow in the wagon. But that tends to be a production, and I'm a weather wimp, so it doesn't happen as often as it should.

After sitting in front of the computer all weekend and not accomplishing much, I noticed my muse was getting a little flabby. (My muse, not me!) Then, we heard the iPod song, courtesy of my musically hip son, and then it was on the iPod, and next thing I knew we were on the treadmill. Me and my muse. Getting the blood pumping. Clearing the fog. Peeling off the flab.

My muse was good to me following our little pump-up session. In exchange for a gallon of sweat, she gave me lots of fresh images and mental energy. It was all good. At this rate, I'll be pretty buff by the end of the semester. Whatever it takes!

I just hope my muse doesn't want me to clean for her, too...

-PLB